Ball Striking

A Richard Hammond - straight down the middle like a rocket then veers off into the rough at the last minute

An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result

A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect

An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it

A Condom - safe but didn't feel real good

A Jamie Oliver - you really want to smack it but you can't

A Glen Miller - didn't make it over the water

A Gerry Adams - a provisional

A Posh Spice - too thin

A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver

A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver

A Robin Cook - just died on the hill

A Michael Jackson - gradually fading

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems

An elephant's arse - it's high and it stinks

A Tony Blair - too much spin

A Bin Laden - driven out and never to be found again

An Anna Kournikova - looks great but unlikely to get a result

Putting

A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Diego Maradonna – Even nastier 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

A Rock Hudson- thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Cuban - needed one more revolution

A Douglas Bader - no legs

Bunker Play

An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker

An Eva Braun - Picked up in the Bunker

A Saddam Hussein - from one bunker straight into another

A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand